


A Collection of Romantic Heartbreaks

by Polarstern (Gelaecter)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Denmark is forever alone, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-02-19
Packaged: 2018-03-13 18:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3391508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelaecter/pseuds/Polarstern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are so many ways for things to fall apart</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Collection of Romantic Heartbreaks

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this comic that I saw on tumblr a while back - http://sawdustbear.tumblr.com/post/103334395796/the-absolute-best-thing-about-being-pretty-happy

  1. **The Slow Fade (DenEst)**




It hadn’t gone anywhere, and even if Mathias had realised what he wanted earlier it probably never would have.

Eduard went to school in Malmö, but would visit Copenhagen every second weekend, in the beginning just for school reasons but once that finished he found excuses to keep up the pattern. Mathias made it his mission to show him all he could about the city, and every day they had together he had a new place for them to visit - a palace, a museum, a favourite cafe or a spot with a particularly nice view. Eduard promised to return the favour one day and show him around Tallinn after they both finished their studies.

Mathias would text him daily with silly anecdotes, or pictures of his cat. Eduard would text him back with pictures of his pictures of cats (he had many, all over his dorm) or to complain about his classmates who he was too polite to insult to their face. They would call, once a week at least, just so they could talk.

University got busier of course, as it does. They didn’t always get time to call every week, but at least every second week. Texts maybe every second day. Eduard had exams coming up, so he couldn’t make it over to Copenhagen this week, but he’d definitely make it next time!

Calls slipped further, and one day Mathias realised he hadn’t heard from Eduard in over a week. He called him that evening, and they talked for five minutes before Eduard had to hurry off for a study group.

The last text Mathias ever got from Eduard read _‘Sorry I’ve been so busy, we’ll talk soon!’_

He sometimes wonders if Eduard regrets the loss as much as he does.

* * *

 

  1. **The Path Not Travelled (DenGer)**




Ludwig was not the kind of person any of Mathias’ friends imagined him hooking up with, and Mathias was sure Ludwig’s friends felt the same way (only perhaps with slightly more judgement)

Ludwig was an aspiring defence lawyer - he knew exactly where he wanted to be in life and how to get there, and he had all the skills and the passion he needed to do it. Mathias supposed that was what drew him to him in the first place (that and the size of his hands Mathias had said once with a leer, enjoying the flush that crossed had Ludwig’s cheeks) - although Ludwig tended to be a bit shy and awkward, when he wanted something he would do whatever he needed to do to get it and there was little that could stand in his way.

He had his future planned out, right down to the smallest detail. He knew which firms he wanted to work at once he graduated, which paths would lead to the top of his career the fastest, and would command the most respect. He already had a portfolio going, with references and recommendations from summer internships. He was all set to achieve his goal, and nothing was going to stop him.

Mathias admired him for that, admired his focus and his drive. And he could only ever be mad at his own obliviousness for not realising sooner that all Ludwig’s careful planning had left no room for him, and that Ludwig had never meant it to.

* * *

 

  1. **The Always Unrequited (DenSwe)**




Brothers

That’s what Tino called them, and Berwald had agreed. Mathias agreed too, outwardly, because certainly that’s an appropriate way to describe the two of them.

They’d known each other almost as long as either of them could remember. They were as close as brothers, and they knew each other better than they each knew themselves. Mathias shared everything with Berwald, trusted him explicitly, and he knew that trust was returned.

But something about the term ‘brothers’ made his stomach drop uncomfortably, his throat tighten. Something he’d done his best to ignore, to squash down the feeling of more than brothers until it went away, but of course it never did.

He never acted on it. He was too much of a coward.

The day Berwald announced his and Tino’s engagement, Mathias had thrown his arms around them both and laughed. He was so proud, and so happy for them, he truly, honestly was.

But the one thing he’d never be able to tell Berwald was that not all of his tears were of joy. He’d have to deal with that one himself.

* * *

 

  1. **The Very Straight Best Friend (DenPru)**




If there is one thing Mathias had learned about Gilbert over the years was that he always knew how to say the worst possible thing at the worst possible time.

And it wasn’t his fault, he didn’t do it on purpose.

Which was probably why Elizabeta had broken up with him. Again. Mathias knew they’d be back together by the end of the month, but in the meantime he had to listen to Gilbert moaning about how weird women are and try not to roll his eyes too much.

But no matter how used to it he was, Gilbert alway found a way to unsettle him.

“Sometimes I wish I was gay.”

There was a long pause. Mathias narrowed his eyes at Gilbert, who just stared back and blinked drunkenly.

“...What.”

“It would be so much easier, you know,” he said. “Like you don’t have to deal with all this, like, girly emotional shit, right?”

Christ. Mathias wasn’t nearly drunk enough for this.

He downed the rest of his beer.

“Gilbert, trust me, it’s really not-”

He broke off when Gilbert grabbed him forearm and leaned in, eyes bright and almost feverish. Mathias stared back at him in confusion and discomfort.

“My brother was an idiot, you know.” Mathias felt his breath catch. “If I was-” Gilbert made a clumsy, complicated gesture with his hands “-you would be my first choice.”

Mathias sat for a moment and sighed heavily, before firmly removing Gilbert’s hand and standing up. He snatched the rest of Gilbert’s beer from his hand and downed it quickly, ignoring Gilbert’s whine of protest, tossed the empty bottle behind the couch and retreated from the room.

“Go to sleep, Gilbert.”

The bedroom door made a satisfactory bang as it closed behind him, and he let himself fall backwards onto the bed.

You would be my first choice

He buried his face in a pillow and sighed.

* * *

 

  1. **The Airport Goodbye (DenCan)**




Mathias had never thought much about Canada - too much ocean between here and there, and Mathias hated flying. He felt as though he knew it now though, through someone elses eyes, and he loved it, because Matthew loved it.

Matthew blew into his life and slipped right in as though he’d always been there. He’d spend six months travelling after finishing his Masters, and Copenhagen was the last stop before home. They met in a bar, both already drunk, and he spent the whole night whispering French vulgarities into Mathias’ ear in the darkness of Mathias’ apartment, and then giggling drunkenly as though he couldn’t believe what he’d just said. He made pancakes the next morning as an apology for his behaviour.

Mathias found the whole thing extremely charming and offered his couch as an alternative to the hostel Matthew had been staying in - the arrangement lasted two days before Matthew traded the couch for Mathias’ bed, and the French vulgarities were whispered with purpose.

They lived together for three weeks, but to Mathias it seemed like longer. It had been years since he’d had a roommate, and it wasn’t just the sex that he enjoyed (not that it wasn’t a huge bonus). He’d been missing the companionship, having someone around to laugh with, eat dinner with, just… be with. There were things missing from his life that he never would have noticed if Matthew hadn’t been there.

Mathias took the train out the the airport with him to see him off, before they made their final goodbyes outside the terminal. Matthew made an offhand comment about how Mathias should come visit him in Toronto one day, but they both knew it wasn’t a real invitation. Matthew had had fun, but he was going back to his real life now, and Mathias wasn’t part of that.

* * *

 

  1. **The Fuckbuddy That Never Really Just Was (NedDen)**




Probably his favourite thing about Willem was his hands. Calloused but soft, and perfectly manicured. The way he held a cigarette, rolling it gently between his fingers, gentle but firm. The way they moved with purpose over his whole body, the way the wrapped around his wrists.

Willem had nice fingers. Nice lips too. Mathias loved to watch him smoke after they had sex, if Willem would let him. It was surprisingly intimate, for him anyway, and yet it made him seem even more untouchable.

Oh, and Mathias also liked his cock. That was pretty great. Mathias spent quite a lot of time with it inside of him, and he’d give it a definite 10/10.

(Sometimes he’d be at home, feeling the ache left over from visiting Willem the day before, he’d get a sudden whiff of Willem’s particular brand of cigarettes and it would send shivers of longing through his whole body)

He didn’t know if Willem thought about Mathias as much as Mathias thought about him. Probably not. Mathias knew Willem didn’t love him, that wasn’t the point of this. Willem didn’t do intimacy beyond the physical - or at least if he did, he had no interest in it being with Mathias. And Mathias, well, he’d thought he’d be fine with a casual relationship.

He’d been wrong. Turns out that one night stands and casual sex with the same person on a regular basis were completely different things. It’s easy when he never sees them again, not so easy when they’re a part of his life and every time he sees them he feels the phantom pressure of their hands on his skin.

He’ll never tell.

* * *

 

  1. **The Long Distance Thing That Would Never Have Worked Out Because Istanbul Is Just Too Damn Hot (DenTurk)**




They met at a nightclub in Greece, on the dancefloor. Ecstasy made him easy to seduce, not that the man who’d all but fucked him right there against the wall at the back of the room would have needed any help on that front, and Mathias couldn’t blame it on the drugs even if he wanted to.

“Name’s Sadik,” the man had drawled in his ear as they grinded together. “Remember it, you’re going to be screaming it later.” Mathias spent the rest of the week laughing at him for that, but he was right.

He left Greece with a phone number and perfect white hand prints on his hips from riding Sadik on his private balcony without sunblock on, something no one, not his friends back home and certainly not Sadik, would ever let him live down.

Turned out Sadik was just as good at phone sex as he was in person, but in the end it was a poor substitute.

Sadik went back to Greece and met someone else, Mathias drank a lot and woke up in the bed of someone whose name he doesn’t remember.

* * *

 

  1. **The “I Was Really Hoping You Wouldn’t Have Snuck Out In The Middle Of The Night And Maybe We Could Have Gotten Pancakes” (DenEng)**




Gilbert worked at a bar that held on open mic night on Thursdays, to a crowd of sad middle-age drunks and young men and women with nothing better to do. Most of the acts weren’t anything to write home about either - mostly university students in their early twenties with varying levels of musical talent; some good, most average, but none spectacular. Mostly they never came back.

Mathias went mostly for the half-price beer, and of course to keep Gilbert company while he insulted the bands from behind the bar. He was also responsible for saving Gilbert from getting a well-deserved punch to the face from a furious bassist when his comments had gotten a little too loud - the alarmed look on Gilbert’s face when the harmless-looking (if somewhat grumpy) man practically flew across the room at him easily made up for his band’s piss-poor efforts. Mathias bought him a drink afterwards, as an apology for Gilbert’s existence.

The man’s name was Arthur. He spoke like a Lord but swore like a sailor, and had more musical talent than any of his band mates combined, times two. He’d been in another band before, one that was more on his level, but it had gone south a few months earlier - not that he was still bitter or anything. Mathias liked him; despite his outwardly prickly manner he turned out to be quite charming, and Mathias thought that just maybe meeting him was the best thing to come out of that place.

When Mathias woke to a cold bed, with no note, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t disappointed.

* * *

 

  1. **The One You Could Never Have Saved, No Matter How Hard You Tried (DenNor)**




Three years, four months, and twenty-seven days.

Three years, four months and twenty-eight days ago, Mathias would have laughed if someone suggested he’d be in a relationship for so long. Two years, four months and twenty seven days ago, he’d have sworn he’d be in this one for the rest of his life.

Kjell was everything he’d wanted and hadn’t known to look for - He was shy, but very confident once Mathias worked past his defences. Smart and brutally honest. Gorgeous in every way. He challenged Mathias like no one had before - and he knew him better than even his oldest friends. He knew the best ways to make him laugh, which buttons to press to bring him out of a funk, or bring on a jolt of inspiration. How to make him moan and shiver and go completely pliant underneath him.

(How to make him angry, how to make him feel insecure. How to hurt him so badly he’d spent two days lying on his best friend’s floor until finally Kjell found him and let him sob into his shoulder while Kjell whispered apology after desperate apology)

In turn, Mathias learned how to read the subtlest hints of emotion on Kjell’s face, the telltale signs in his body that told everything you needed to know if only you knew how to read them. People described Kjell as “emotionless” but Mathias knew it was the opposite - Kjell was the most emotional person he knew, and Mathias was the only person he couldn’t hide from. He knew when he was feeling insecure or overwhelmed, and what to do to help him feel comfortable again. He knew how to tell when Kjell was truly annoyed about something and when he was just pretending to be. He knew how to break through the wall of ice Kjell put up sometimes, on the bad days.

(And he knew how to make it worse. He knew what things Kjell was most sensitive about, he knew when and how to use them to cause the most damage. He didn’t know how to make up for it afterwards)

One year ago they fought. It wasn’t the first argument they’d had, of course not, but it was different this time. It took more that an apology and a nice dinner to resettle the earth beneath their feet, and the cracks felt visible for a long time after.

Six months ago, Kjell spent a week at his brother’s place while Mathias drank himself to sleep on their couch.

Three months ago, they spent two weeks in Paris. Mathias behaved like the most obnoxious tourist he could, and Kjell tried to look stern, or jokingly pretended not to know him, but the twitch at the edge of his mouth gave him away. They spent their last night out a cruise of the Seine, just the two of them, and Mathias had never been happier.

Two weeks ago, Mathias called Kjell a stuck-up bitch, Kjell called Mathias a dumb whore, and neither of them apologised. Mathias wondered if maybe he should just go and prove Kjell right, it might make them both feel better.

Three years, four months, and twenty-seven days after it began, it shattered under the weight of harsh words and cruel actions that neither of them could seem to control. It was something neither of them had wanted, not really, but when the end came, it was a relief.

Mathias loved Kjell more deeply than he’d loved anyone before, and even after everything that happened he would probably never love quite like that again.

But sometimes love just wasn’t enough.


End file.
